Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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