For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize