Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
