Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize