She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
