FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Come on in and take your pants off
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