You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
