I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
