We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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