let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
