whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
