i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
