My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
