What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
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