Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
