Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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