I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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