You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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