Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
