Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
