I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
