in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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