WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
