so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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