Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
