Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
