I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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