I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
