I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
