She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize