Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
