who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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