i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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