Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
