I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
