He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
