So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
