im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
