I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
