i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
