I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
