No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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