i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
