Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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