its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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