We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize