Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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