i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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