Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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