I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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