I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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