oh god the rape fog is back!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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