I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
In America we eat man semen.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
