I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
