If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
