I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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