I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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