Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
