Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
