why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm getting married
To pizza
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
