Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You may now shotgun with the bride
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
