Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
