I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize