she was so not down for the gang bang
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
