i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
