This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
