You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize