I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
These tits shall not be calmed
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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