I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
