i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
