Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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