Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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